life, the way i want it

January 27, 2008 at 11:33 pm (beauty, longing, magic, simplicity)

i want to live simply. i want to feel safe. i want the children to prosper and have opportunity. i want the luxury and beauty of the earth all around.

i dream of living in a place where the air is still fragrant. i dream of innocence and friendly neighbors. i dream of children playing together with the adults loosely watching. i dream of sunny mornings and the dappled shade of trees…afternoon naps under fluffy, soft blankets. i dream of gathering with friends and their children, raucous dinner parties with wine flowing freely.

i want to move more slowly and feel my life as i’m moving through it. i want to shift from doing to being and i’m not sure i know how.

the city i live in is the city i was raised in. it is sprawling and intense and still growing. i remember the wide open spaces that used to surround the city. it felt like an island, far from either coast. a city surrounded by vast fields that went from spring green, to burnt yellow, to crumbling brown, to snow swept and scoured and back again.

i was desperate to leave when i turned eighteen and leave i did. i lived in other cities where high culture ruled and people were well dressed and savvy. places where music and art and alternative thinking thrived. i lived on both coasts and spots in between but i always came home. i never felt at peace anywhere else, always the gypsy on the way to the next place.

i’m looking for a new home. there’s no rush, no need to hurry but i’m looking.

my fear is that finding the perfect spot won’t solve the riddle. it is my inner world that needs healing. the simplicity i crave must be created in the shadows and haunts of my heart and soul…the beauty i crave uncovered in the caverns i created.

still it would be nice to wake up to pure, earth magic which seems to be dwindling where i am.

is the dream viable? or just a fantasy to sooth me when sleep is elusive?

we shall see…