the legacy

February 28, 2008 at 1:51 pm (beauty, history, longing, wealth)

3342out-of-the-fire-posters.jpg

when i was a young girl, my grandparents owned a lovely old, adobe home in the hondo valley. over the years, they expanded on the house and it became very, very lush. it was beautiful beyond belief, not just the house and furnishings, the incredible hondo valley.

visiting this magical place was a treat for my brothers and i. there were lavish parties and gifts galore. it was the height my grandparent’s wealth and success. still it was lonely. there was nothing to do there but play outside which was more rewarding for my brothers who liked to fish and hunt.

at some point, my grandfather who fancied himself some kind of modern, american king, imported peacocks to roam the property. in my memory, i still hear their aching calls and see them in languid pose. i used to roam around looking for discarded feathers, the beautiful blue and green eyes were treasured. as an adult, i learned that the peacocks were picked off by coyotes one by one. their lives were difficult in the valley. the importing of peacocks had been vain and unrealistic.

my grandfather passed away about 6 weeks ago. though he lived a long and by all accounts a good life, i find myself feeling a mixture of feelings about him.

he was the kind of person that could sit with you calmly, seemingly relaxed but a million miles away. his mind was racing, racing, racing. i often felt invisible around him. he half-payed attention.

he was selfish, creating an empire and letting it crumble to nothing. if only he had told us all not to expect anything. instead, my mother and her siblings are riddled with depression and a seeming lack of direction. their expectations of inherited wealth clipped their wings and kept them in competition for the great patriarch’s approval.

the hondo valley house was sold long ago to pay off the mountain of debt that had accumulated. i dream of it often. the lovely, crystal blue swimming pool that i can never get to. that pool seems to be symbolic of the abundance and magic my grandfather created and destroyed all in the course of one life.

i loved him and i see my tendency to be like him when my mind is racing, racing, racing…always working out ways to make my business stronger.

i have no hope (or desire) of recapturing the level of his creation, but i do want the beauty he was so fortunate to experience. the beautiful lines of an old adobe, the green lushness of a fertile valley in the desert, peacocks drifting across the lawn.

hopefully in the version i create, the coyotes will be kept safely at bay.

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2 Comments

  1. Michelle (artscapes) said,

    My condolences….
    It would seem you have a great imagination of your own. We are our own coyotes though….

  2. fallenwoman said,

    thanks for the condolences…the man had an excellent life!

    too true about being my own coyote…always vigilant to keep that destroy energy at bay.

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