witch

January 13, 2008 at 5:08 am (archetype, destruction, history, magic, power)

darkgoddess.jpg

when i was a young woman, i wanted to be a witch. i was desperately searching for an archetype that represented force, magic and mystery. the witch fit the bill for awhile. i bought books, burned candles and incense. i payed close attention to the cycles of the moon in order to capitalize on available power.

i learned a few simple spells, always to do with love. though i knew it was wrong to manipulate, i tried anyway. the last spell i cast was one of my own making. it involved fire and the burning of many names. it wasn’t just for me, it involved friends and associates.

looking back, my arrogance and innocence astounds me.

at the time, i was in love with a man i considered my soul mate. i wrote our names on a piece of paper and burned it, hoping to set us both free to love each other more deeply.

within a week, he slept with a girl from his past and i ended up in bed with one of his friends. in two days i went to the darkest space of hell i’d ever imagined. it was as if i had been tossed into a bottomless pit of pain.

all around me, established relationships crumbled and changed. everyone i had involved in the spell seemed out of control and crazy. affairs were exposed and people swapped partners. it was as if we were all trapped in a snowglobe; shaken, chaotic, blurry and COLD.

i never cast a spell again.

my lover moved on after we half-heartedly tried to put ourselves back together. i knew it was over when i saw him after a short trip and felt my heart sink into my stomach. we’re still in touch, for the love was great and powerful but i can now see that my spell accelerated a process that had to unfold. he was never meant to be mine.

the witch still haunts me but i manage to keep her at bay. my capacity for destruction is just too tempting to play with.

i feel a new archetype taking shape, but she remains unnamed…no longer a maiden, certainly a mother, moving towards crone…

and always a fallen woman.

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2 Comments

  1. gingatao! said,

    A very common occurance, the first efforts going horribly astray, usually because their motivation is selfish, the first thing most of us attempt, experience teaches that if the primary motivation is not self the force is easier to contain, new archetypes are always taking shape, never taken, falling, never fallen,

  2. fallenwoman said,

    selfish, selfish, selfish and most of all FOOLISH. still growing into and learning about my power.

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