across the tracks

January 3, 2008 at 11:58 pm (destruction, exploration, history, mystique, passion)

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the phrase fallen woman implies there’s been some bad behavior somewhere in the past that is almost impossible to recover from. in my case, i’m only a fallen woman in my inner world. there could very well be some people out there who view me as morally corrupt, but if there are, they aren’t brave enough to tell me.

i spent some time in new orleans at one point. it was a time of exploration and play. i knew it was temporary which allowed me to push the boundaries. i was obsessed with the wrong guy, stayed up late drinking every night and felt very, very charged up.

i loved it and it took me a long time to come back from the story i created and lived there. it was one of the most beautiful and wretched time periods of my life. i behaved badly and relished it. i gave myself permission to do whatever i wanted, letting my own demons take flight. i watched in fascination as i transformed from wall flower to hot house flower.

i still dream of the city; steamy, dark and fecund. i’m trying to cross the train tracks to get to my favorite 9th ward bar, but for some reason i can never get across. either there’s a train literally blocking me or there are distractions before i even get to the tracks.

always trying to get to the other side of the tracks…the dark, primal side of life where our desires run rampant and there’s no restraint.

sometimes in my clean incarnation here and now, i miss the sweaty heaven of my 9th ward madness.

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2 Comments

  1. JJ Loch said,

    That’s a beautiful post!

    JJ 😀

  2. fallenwoman said,

    thanks for the encouragement, jj…

    your blog is beauty as well.

    j

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